How to Handle Your Children During Divorce

Partners blame each other for destroying the relationship. There are frequent quarrels and shouting matches. The atmosphere in the house turns quite putrid for the members.

The partners undergo many negative emotions and feel angry, depressed and betrayed. Some harbour feelings of revenge and vow to teach the other a lesson through the court. They try to prolong the proceedings by filing outrageous and trumped-up charges against their partner and wash dirty linen in public with gay abandon.

Often, the partners look for an opportunity to walk away with a lions share of the family assets and property. As a result of all this bad blood and tug of war, some people feel traumatized and have to take professional help to come out of the emotional cesspool that they have fallen into.

However, it is not the partners who are the real victims of their divorce. They are mature adults who have seen the world and know how to keep things in perspective. They can very well take care of themselves after marital separation. Actually, it is the children who suffer the most from the divorce of their parents. Their psyche is not yet fully developed and they cannot comprehend the complexities of the world. When they see their parents heading for divorce, they panic. This is because they know they wont be able to survive on their own without parental supervision.

They also feel guilty that they couldnt prevent the parents from splitting up and start blaming themselves for the situation. The psychological damage that is inflicted on their minds at this time often lasts a long time. Therefore, it is very important for the parents to ensure that their divorce has a minimum effect on the kids and that their lives continue as usual. They can do many things to achieve this objective.

Talk to Your Kids

The children are hurt quite deeply because of parental divorce. Often they become depressed and insecure. One of the ways they cope with this is by becoming quiet. They do not want to talk about their feelings and avoid talking to their parents. You as a parent should not let this happen and try your best to encourage them to speak to you and discuss your feelings. You should be gentle and caring and coax them into talking to you to address their fears.

Dont Badmouth Your Partner

When you divorce, make sure that you do not inadvertently spoil the relations of your ex-partner with the kids. This is going to harm the latter immensely. The kids can thrive and grow in a healthy way only when they have a normal and fulfilling relationship with each parent. Therefore, you should make it a rule never to badmouth your ex-partner in front of your children and thus poison their ears. Otherwise, it is going to destroy the relationship the kids have with their other parent and their parenting will become lopsided.

Keep the Kids Away from Domestic Quarrels

Months before the divorce was actually granted, the family atmosphere would have already turned frosty and caustic. Barbs and dirty looks fly between the partners and disagreements frequently go out of control. The children bear the brunt of this. They have very sensitive and delicate minds that are easily hurt and wounded. As a parent, it is your duty not to involve the kids into your quarrels. Keep them away as far as possible from your dirty business. Also, never use children as messengers between the two of you.

Dont Pass on Your Insecurities to Your Kids

When you divorce, keep your sob stories to yourself. Share them with your friends, not with your children. The kids are young and vulnerable and they will not be able to keep your problems in the correct perspective. For them, you are their centre of the world. If you project yourself as a victim to them, they may become full of insecurity and start harbouring feelings of revenge against your ex-partner.

Let the Kids Follow the Same Routine

As far as possible after marriage, you should ensure that the kids follow the same daily routine of life as before. Let them go to the same school, live in the same neighbourhood and have the same old friends. During the weekends, socialize with them by taking them to a movie or dinner. Also, try to keep their lives busy by making them join some sports or recreational activity. Encourage them to mix with other kids of the same age and gender for their healthy emotional growth.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com